ASK ZACK!
So, what is this crazy page, you ask? Simple! This is the page where I post the loads of fanmail that come pouring into my inbox every day!
Zack: Those are porn ads, not fanmails. -_-
Oh, shut up, you. Anyway, Zack reads fanmail and answers questions on this page. So if you've asked Zack a question, you need to keep checking back here until he answers it! The last update was on 5.26.03.
Want to ask Zack a question? Here's how!
Dear Zack,
And if that doesn't work for some odd reason, send it here.
Also see: Ask Cloud!
And now, on to the questions!
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New Questions
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Dear Zack,
My question is this. Why do you suck? Because you do. Suck, I mean. I could sit here and sing songs about how much you SUCK. In fact, I think I will. BUT THEN I HAD TO SPOIL IT ALL BY SAYING SOMETHING STUPID LIKE YOU SUCK, ZACK!
Sincerely,
Reno
Reno:
If I remember correctly, and I do, it wasn't me who did all the sucking.
-Zack
PS. I'm KIDDING, Aeris!
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Dear Zack,
What is the REAL color of your eyes? A lot of people say that it's blue, but there are others who say it's hazel, or something like that. Which is it, really? Oh, by the way, I love you. ^^
Sincerely,
Tenshi
Tenshi:
Hey, I love you too! At least I probably would if I knew you a little better!.. Well, according to my concept art, my eyes are blue. Besides that, my author thinks they're blue-silver or something. And they are glowing with that lovely Mako Glow (tm)! But, you know, I don't complain when people make my eyes hazel or brown or whatever. Hey, that's what colored contacts are for!
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
Oh Zack! What did you and RENO DO!? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!? YOU AND CLOUD?! YOU AND RENO?! YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD RESON FOR THIS ALL!
Sincerely,
Aeris
Aeris:
...! Wow! All the people who read this! I had no idea! Aeris.. heh heh.. about those silly things I said before.. it's just a website, yeah? I mean, a crazy chick with blue fingernail polish and a shirt that says "I hate myself and I want to die" could be impersonating me! You can't trust anything you find online these days, I tell you..
So, um.. let's just forget this site ever existed, shall we? Eheh..
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
Okay... Zack... What do you smell like?... I think you smell like Cinnamon and Almonds... Wait a minute... Don't you act crazy?.... aww frig. You freaking drink booze... Hey I made a funny nickname for you.. ZACKIE!!!... Hey thats what I am ganna be callin you for now on.. haha.... anywho tootles
Sincerely,
T-Kat
T-Kat:
I just sniffed my hand for you, and I smell no cinnamon or almonds. It smells kind of like.. skin. As for acting crazy, well.. I guess I am slightly out of control when drunk. WHO WANTS TO KNOW?! And...Zackie? Well, I'll let that go for now. I've been called worse. BUT NOT BY RENO OR ANYTHING, NOPE.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
Why were you killed in ffvii?
Sincerely,
Natalie
Miss Natalie:
Because some retards decided that Cloud would make a better main character than I would. Like that's even HALF true. No offense to Cloud or anything, but sheesh.
-Zack
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Old Questions
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Dear Zack,
Sex. No, wait. Silly sex. YES. With superman capes, and bug-masks and little bunny ears and a feather duster! Well? HOW DO YOU PLEA?
Sincerely,
Soshi
Soshi:
Guilty as charged.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHSSSSSSHSSHHHHSHSSSH SHHHHHSHSSSHSHSHSHSHSHHSHHHHH?
Sincerely,
Jenova
Jenova:
...
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
You filthy bastard! YOU FILTHY, LYING BASTARD! Do all our years together mean NOTHING to you, you fetid piece of discarded rectal pulp?!? All our cherished memories?! None of it means ANYTHING?! I am so glad you got cut out of Kingdom Hearts! The next time I see you, I will rip out all of your pretty little organs and sew them into a dress! My question is: Did you get your christmas card? Cause I sent it.
Sincerely,
Reno
Reno:
...I didn't know you read this! Ahem.
What I meant to say earlier was that.. oh, fuck it. I didn't see YOU in Kingdom Hearts either, you dirty, back-stabbing, presumtuous jackass. And at least I'm screwing sexy people like Sephiroth and Cloud in all of my doujinshi. Nya, nya!
Did you send the one with the little sparkly reindeer? I think that was you. I liked that one.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
Can you curl up in a ball and roll down the hall and take out the enemies with your hair?
Sincerely,
Sunny
Sunny:
That would make you very happy, wouldn't it. Maybe I'm not so good at curling into a ball, and my hair isn't quite lethal (though it could certainly poke out an eye), but I'm fairly well known for beating the shit out of people with my extraordinarily large sword.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
Why does it say sex behind your head?
Sincerely,
Cyrus's brother Luke
Luke:
I did not make the layout, nor did I even see it before Rydia randomly put it up. However, I am not complaining either.
Actually, Rydia would like to make it clear that the picture is from a doujinshi starring yours truly and Spikes entitled Sex Pistols and it was drawn by a circle called "Yubinbasya" or something.
I don't care, but I don't think it shows off my sexiness to it's full extent.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
Have you ever seen a black wax crayon?
Sincerely,
Nerissa
Miss Nerissa:
Why, yes. Believe it or not, I was quite the crayon fanatic in my early years.
...
Okay, so I'm a bad liar. What's it to you?
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
Why the hell are you being so coy about admitting you want to fuck Cloud's brains out?
Sincerely,
Thorne
Miss Thorne:
It's really very simple, actually. When making this site, Rydia determined that it wasn't going to be yaoi or het, to appeal to as many audiences as possible.
However, no one else seems to want that, judging from the amount of yaoi-related questions I get. Besides, doesn't the game make it completely obvious I was screwing Cloud? I just figured everyone knew by now.
That outta clear the air a bit.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
What REALLY happened between you and Cloud while you were both in SOLDIER? And what about you and Sephiroth? Did he ever give you the "bad touch"? And why wasn't it included in the game?
Sincerely,
CK
CK:
Oh, boy.
There are a whole lot of ways I could go about answering this question, but most of them would result in my being beaten to a pulp by Rydia.
How about I just tell you to interepret the game however the hell you want? That way you go home happy and I don't get Bahamut summoned on my ass.
I will say this: No matter what he may tell you, I never, ever fucked Reno.
Honest.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
What would you do if you were trapped in a room naked with Cloud--who was also naked? Just curious.
Sincerely,
Celeste
Celeste:
I would be a very happy person.
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itrwhoij ,hrr,,w wait a second!! this is zack and I NEVER SAID THAT RYDIA SET ME UP AGGGGGGHHHHHH..srhpoip
Ahem. Please excuse that.. ^^;;;;;
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Dear Zack,
How in the world do you travel with that massive ass sword?
Sincerely,
Anime Angel
Miss Angel:
My sword does NOT have a massive ass, thank you very much. Nor do I, for that matter. My ass is very nicely sized if I do say so myself. And I do.
As for traveling with said sword, I must commend the man who invented the belt. It's really not all that heavy when slung around your shoulder. Besides, being the dead sexy, muscular manly man I am, it's not that hard to carry.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
Do you like porn?
Sincerely,
Anime Angel
Miss Angel:
Who wants to know?
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
How do you get your hair to do that?
Sincerely,
HicRic
HicRic:
I must say, I'm glad that someone noticed! What, with everyone so fascinated by Cloud's hair, I thought no one had noticed me, save those few insolent beings that compare me to Sonic the Hedgehog.
Really, it's fairly easy. What I do is I take a shower every morning and then put a load of Midgar's own "Mako Magnifique!" in it, then I run outside and shake my head out as hard as I can. The spikes come naturally that way. I get a nasty headache, but my hair kicks ass!
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
How do you stop Cloud from getting travelsick?
Sincerely,
HicRic
HicRic:
Oh, geez. Is there a way? I tried everything I could think of, and that kid still pukes all over me! Kind of ruins your plans to have a nice dinner, or go to the beach, or anything. He's the only person I know who starts puking before he gets to the bar!
I've tried having him not eat for a week before we go on the trip, but that doesn't work because he passes out from starvation, and that kind of puts a damper on things too. Sometimes I just hold him out the back of the truck or whatever. That way he doesn't barf on me.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
Do you think Cloud is cute?
Sincerely,
Rena
Rena:
You must know of my author's obsession with yaoi, or are obsessed with it yourself since you're asking that. I am holding back my answer until I get a lawyer.
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
HOW did Cloud end up with your memories of Nibelhiem when Sephiroth went berserk?
Sincerely,
Revanche
Revanche:
Let's just put it this way--Cloud is a very screwed up little boy. I mean, not that I blame him or anything, but you know. Think of it like this: has anyone ever injected you with pieces of some two zillion year old thing that's STILL ALIVE? I didn't think so!
I guess that doesn't really explain why Cloud wandered around for a disc and a half thinking he was..well...me. I think it's just that I'm so awesome and wonderful and cool that he wanted to be like me and... no, I guess that wasn't it either.
Well, you've stumped me, Rev. Maybe it's something to do with Hojo fusing our brain cells...
-Zack
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Dear Zack,
How do you feel about tentacles?
Sincerely,
Kurakaze
Kurakaze:
I tend to avoid them. They remind me of evil lifeforms long past their death date. Specifically ones named Jenova. They just give me the heeby jeebies for some reason. I can't quite put my finger on it..
-Zack
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